Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?
Here is an incredible journalist telling her experience with Arranged Marriage. We have so much in common.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Oh, Yogi!
So, the drama had left off at me being in Chicago getting ready to meet Ted, (who I am now renaming 'Yogi Bear,'). Also, Kiddha had called to say he's coming up from Oklahoma to where I am.
Fasten Your Seat Belts, It's Going to be A Bumpy Ride...
I never met Kiddha while I was in Chicago. He fell off the face of the earth the day after he called. He tends to do that.
I did meet Yogi Bear. Twice. On the first night, I was dreading it so much, I made my sister come along on the date for my moral support. Side note: we ordered this Dark Chocolate Lava Cake and Hazelnut Gelato dessert that came out presented in a penis shape and Yogi Bear didn't notice. My sister and I had a good reminiscent moment from Vegas when I had hosted my first Bachorlette party exactly one year ago that night. That was an epic weekend *sigh.*
Well, night #1 ended good so we moved onto date #2. This time, it was just me and him.
Before I tell you more, let me give you some background on this guy. Like I mentioned before, my parents were already 50-50 on this guy. Well, he and I started corresponding about 2 months ago-ish. We know basics about each other, so this trip was meant for us to get to know one another a little bit more personally and see if we want to take it further. I had told him in advance that I'd be asking some hard questions. I don't think he took me seriously until the questions started.
End result: Yogi Bear is no longer a viable candidate.
The Deal breaker: He suggested to me that perhaps I may want to change careers. That was rude, but what was worse was him failing at a joke where he said I was like a Dexter, I'd hurt someone just so I could fix them. He referred to me as a murderer more than once on the date. I was dumbfounded and a bit offended, even though I knew he was joking (I hope).
He obviously 1) has a bad sense of humor, 2) really doesn't get who I am as a person and 3)saw no value of what I did for a living. I was shocked because I'd never met anyone before who didn't think the sun shined out of my ass for being a nurse. Honestly, it's nice when you get that recognition that I am in a tough field that not only is physically draining but mentally as well. He knew about me getting injured by a patient so I thought he was suggesting I leave the field to avoid further "occurrences."
I'm so naive.
When I probed further, it was because he wanted me to open a business with him. It was so odd. I wanted to walk away and digest everything I was hearing. He casually explained that I didn't need to do that. But I could tell he'd probably really want me to because he would one day think his business venture was more valuable than me living my dream. No thanks.
Sing it Jay Z, "Onto the next one!"
End result: Yogi Bear is no longer a viable candidate.
The Deal breaker: He suggested to me that perhaps I may want to change careers. That was rude, but what was worse was him failing at a joke where he said I was like a Dexter, I'd hurt someone just so I could fix them. He referred to me as a murderer more than once on the date. I was dumbfounded and a bit offended, even though I knew he was joking (I hope).
He obviously 1) has a bad sense of humor, 2) really doesn't get who I am as a person and 3)saw no value of what I did for a living. I was shocked because I'd never met anyone before who didn't think the sun shined out of my ass for being a nurse. Honestly, it's nice when you get that recognition that I am in a tough field that not only is physically draining but mentally as well. He knew about me getting injured by a patient so I thought he was suggesting I leave the field to avoid further "occurrences."
I'm so naive.
When I probed further, it was because he wanted me to open a business with him. It was so odd. I wanted to walk away and digest everything I was hearing. He casually explained that I didn't need to do that. But I could tell he'd probably really want me to because he would one day think his business venture was more valuable than me living my dream. No thanks.
Sing it Jay Z, "Onto the next one!"
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Confused in Chicago
I am currently in Chicago right now, and due to my insane schedule this fall, I don't have a whole lot of dates free in my book for me to do "other stuff" like meet up the guys my parents are trying to set me up with. So, tonight, I have someone flying in from the east coast to meet me here. We will call him.... idk, 'Ted.' He's the 4th guy from Atlanta, im out of nicknames for them.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. A LOT of mixed feelings.
I cant tell you all the details, but this morning before my parents hit the road to drive back to Texas, my uncle came upto me to say bye and he also added, "Good luck today, and just say 'No.'" He said this because he knows all the thoughts that are currently in my head. This arranged marriage business is a tangled web of a mess. Let me explain why.
Since none of these guys are my boyfriends, or even a guy that I picked out, my family (very objectively) begins to create a breakdown of the person at hand. Problem is that when they start to do this, I end up with some family members who like the guy, and others who are dead set against it. This is almost always the case with my parents. While my dad likes the current guy, my mom isnt too sure about it bc she wasnt given much information. But neither one has ever met the guy, or seen a picture until I showed it to them. Then, there's me. I'm kind of like "bleh." I know it's not good to be like this, but right now, I've no motivation whatsoever to dedicate myself to finding a husband. A lot of it has to do with Kiddha.
Kiddha is a guy I met a year ago. The stupid idiot has manged to creep up inside my head and whenever I get myself to forget him, he magically calls, or texts, and whoop, he's back. He has me so confused. My friend named him Kiddha bc it means "what's up" in Punjabi. Yep, he's Sikh Punjabi. Different religion, different part of origination from India. It's like a person from California meeting a person from Montana. You both are from two different kinds of lifestyles and cultures. But Indians put more stigma on this kind of stuff. So, this means SpicyCurryChick has stepped onto the forbidden territory and is still figuring out whether to step forward or to come back to what I call, "Little Miss Obedient" land.
Kiddha knows I'm meeting up a guy my parents are setting me up with this weekend. We've talked about it a lot and he's also supposed to be meeting girls his mom is trying to marry him with. So, we had a nice discussion; he gave his 'go ahead' signal that he was fine with it. He then, of course, calls last night when I least expected it and told me he's on the road for work right now and he's headed up this way today. He's confusing me! Wish me luck today as I try to figure out what I'm going to do.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. A LOT of mixed feelings.
I cant tell you all the details, but this morning before my parents hit the road to drive back to Texas, my uncle came upto me to say bye and he also added, "Good luck today, and just say 'No.'" He said this because he knows all the thoughts that are currently in my head. This arranged marriage business is a tangled web of a mess. Let me explain why.
Since none of these guys are my boyfriends, or even a guy that I picked out, my family (very objectively) begins to create a breakdown of the person at hand. Problem is that when they start to do this, I end up with some family members who like the guy, and others who are dead set against it. This is almost always the case with my parents. While my dad likes the current guy, my mom isnt too sure about it bc she wasnt given much information. But neither one has ever met the guy, or seen a picture until I showed it to them. Then, there's me. I'm kind of like "bleh." I know it's not good to be like this, but right now, I've no motivation whatsoever to dedicate myself to finding a husband. A lot of it has to do with Kiddha.
Kiddha is a guy I met a year ago. The stupid idiot has manged to creep up inside my head and whenever I get myself to forget him, he magically calls, or texts, and whoop, he's back. He has me so confused. My friend named him Kiddha bc it means "what's up" in Punjabi. Yep, he's Sikh Punjabi. Different religion, different part of origination from India. It's like a person from California meeting a person from Montana. You both are from two different kinds of lifestyles and cultures. But Indians put more stigma on this kind of stuff. So, this means SpicyCurryChick has stepped onto the forbidden territory and is still figuring out whether to step forward or to come back to what I call, "Little Miss Obedient" land.
Kiddha knows I'm meeting up a guy my parents are setting me up with this weekend. We've talked about it a lot and he's also supposed to be meeting girls his mom is trying to marry him with. So, we had a nice discussion; he gave his 'go ahead' signal that he was fine with it. He then, of course, calls last night when I least expected it and told me he's on the road for work right now and he's headed up this way today. He's confusing me! Wish me luck today as I try to figure out what I'm going to do.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Hotlanta
I dont know where to start on this guy. This guy is the closest thing I've come to a relationship since my heartbreak. I think we could've gone far, he and I. If it just weren't for his fear of commitment to someone. -_-
The great thing about Hotlanta is that he made an attempt to get to know me. And unlike some of the other guys, he tried to work around my night shift schedule to Skype me whenever he could. It was difficult but bc there was that time dedication from both parties, it wasn't as hard as it is right now...(my current story is to be told later).
As I mentioned before, you have to make sure the guys you meet from my caste aren't related to you. This guy wasn't found by my mom. In fact, it was me who found him. On Facebook. :D Social networking at it's best. Turns out, we know a lot of the same people but we weren't anywhere near being related *huge sigh of relief*
Another side note: It's kinda odd, but I always end up being attracted to guys who end up originating from England. This includes guys with and without accents. The ones who impress me are always the English. That country is definitely doing something right!
The great thing about Hotlanta is that he made an attempt to get to know me. And unlike some of the other guys, he tried to work around my night shift schedule to Skype me whenever he could. It was difficult but bc there was that time dedication from both parties, it wasn't as hard as it is right now...(my current story is to be told later).
As I mentioned before, you have to make sure the guys you meet from my caste aren't related to you. This guy wasn't found by my mom. In fact, it was me who found him. On Facebook. :D Social networking at it's best. Turns out, we know a lot of the same people but we weren't anywhere near being related *huge sigh of relief*
Another side note: It's kinda odd, but I always end up being attracted to guys who end up originating from England. This includes guys with and without accents. The ones who impress me are always the English. That country is definitely doing something right!
Hotlanta is also English. And we actually did meet. It was an amazing trip, and odd but very memorable. I wont reveal details because those are only for me to know but it went so well that I even got this charmer to give me a leg rub before my flight.
When he and I finally met in person and knew sparks were flying, we had decided we would take it slow. I was his first "girl interest" and I was trying to come off my high horse of not wanting a serious relationship. So, things progressed how we wanted it to. We did tell our parents we were interested in someone and let them know who it was... turns out our parents were good friends with one another. This was a bonus.
Then one day, we were no more. It hurt my feelings because .... it just did. Im not gonna get all mushy and girly on you all. But I completely understood his perspective. I get so annoyed with myself. I'm so understanding it makes me sick. So we decided to stay friends and in touch with the possibility, that we can get together in the future. But even that changed. The reason behind it is extremely sensitive material to me and if you heard the whole story, it would also hurt your feelings.
So, I took all in stride and moved on. I know I deserve a guy who needs to be there through all my flaws. I tell people this all the time and I truly believe every word of it too, "I could never judge a person on their flaws because I have so many myself." I dont believe in perfection. There's no such thing. Just like you can never please everybody. There will always be that one exception. I guess for me, I want to find that one exception who looks at me and sees me through all my brick walls I've built back up. I'm not an architect, but I promise you, my wall is pretty darn solid.
End lesson learned: I'm gonna have to continue being that girl that really may end up with 27 Dresses for now.
I should've also warned you all that the stories are also sad.
The Muts Reconvene
The Matiyas are a dedicated group of people always on the lookout to get everyone married. A few years back, the Social committees of the clan decided to hold a Convention every 2 years where people can come together and spend the weekend looking for a potential wife/husband. My parents LOVED this idea. Afterall, they have 5 kids to marry off and I'm first. Yay for me!
In 2009, the Muts Reconvened for the Convention in Dallas. Our family went. The whole weekend I was stared at by the moms, and dads, and the guys. But not a single guy came up to say hi or introduce themselves. This is one of the big reasons why I dont like the guy from my caste. They have their mom and dads do all the work for them. One guy danced with me on the dance floor- appropriately. It was nice. And I dont consider dry humping a form of dancing. But I never found him again. I wonder where he went? I didnt care though, I was enjoying being Single. It was my second year into Singledom and I absolutely did not miss having a relationship at all.
The event started on Thursday, and by Saturday morning, my mom and fav uncle were being harrassed by one family to have me meet the guy alone for a convo. Problem: my parents wanted to reject the proposal. So there's no way I'd say yes. It's a guy my parents already don't approve of. But, the granny from the family kept following my mom everywhere asking for me. I felt bad and agreed to meet the guy to get the family off my family.
Everyone, meet Oompa Loompa. In my language, I called him the "Jaaro, kaaro, buttko" to my mom. Translation: big, dark, short guy. I'm not into "Jaaro Kaaro Buttko." My best friends and their moms loved the nickname I gave this guy. It suited him perfectly! But for my friends who dont speak Gujarati, he's Oompa Loompa. This guy, was a total winner. I'm 5'2" and this guy was shorter than me! Next, he was new from India. No problem for me, but a big disappointment for my parents. They knew right away he probably was a loafer, and they were right. No college degree, broken english with a heavy mix of an Indian and English accent. I dont require a college education but that's something my dad wants. He knows I take care of everyone, and he wants a guy that'll take care of me without worries. My dad can be sweet sometimes. Well, I asked the guy what he did for a living, and he said "accounting." I asked him to clarify bc I was told he didnt go to college. He said he handled his brother in law's money. Oh. He asked me what I did and when I said I was a nurse, he FINALLY made direct eye contact with me, and I swear I saw dollar bills in his eyes. He then asked me how much money I made. At the time, I hadn't gotten my job offer yet, so I technically worked nowhere and made nothing. I told him that but he wanted a rough estimate of how much I would make when hired. It hadn't been 10 mins and I just walked away.
The guy didnt know this but my family members were standing around the corner from where we were standing and talking. He had pissed off everyone. That night we had a mixer and the guy found me on the dance floor, and positioned himself at a bar table right across from where I was. He stood there watching me intently and drinking what appeared to be a scotch. My brothers found him creeping at me and had security throw him out. haha. I love my brothers.
Sunday morning comes around and I see his brother in law following me all over the breakfast area and finally catches me while I was trying to walk out. He asked me what I thought of the guy. This is a violation for him to be asking me directly. He was supposed to ask my parents. Luckily before I answered him, my mom found me. She told him as politely as she could that her daughter didn't wanna be the one wearing the pants in the family after getting married.
My mom's spitfire. I love it! Til this day my family and I laugh about that guy. We're kinda mean.
In 2009, the Muts Reconvened for the Convention in Dallas. Our family went. The whole weekend I was stared at by the moms, and dads, and the guys. But not a single guy came up to say hi or introduce themselves. This is one of the big reasons why I dont like the guy from my caste. They have their mom and dads do all the work for them. One guy danced with me on the dance floor- appropriately. It was nice. And I dont consider dry humping a form of dancing. But I never found him again. I wonder where he went? I didnt care though, I was enjoying being Single. It was my second year into Singledom and I absolutely did not miss having a relationship at all.
The event started on Thursday, and by Saturday morning, my mom and fav uncle were being harrassed by one family to have me meet the guy alone for a convo. Problem: my parents wanted to reject the proposal. So there's no way I'd say yes. It's a guy my parents already don't approve of. But, the granny from the family kept following my mom everywhere asking for me. I felt bad and agreed to meet the guy to get the family off my family.
Everyone, meet Oompa Loompa. In my language, I called him the "Jaaro, kaaro, buttko" to my mom. Translation: big, dark, short guy. I'm not into "Jaaro Kaaro Buttko." My best friends and their moms loved the nickname I gave this guy. It suited him perfectly! But for my friends who dont speak Gujarati, he's Oompa Loompa. This guy, was a total winner. I'm 5'2" and this guy was shorter than me! Next, he was new from India. No problem for me, but a big disappointment for my parents. They knew right away he probably was a loafer, and they were right. No college degree, broken english with a heavy mix of an Indian and English accent. I dont require a college education but that's something my dad wants. He knows I take care of everyone, and he wants a guy that'll take care of me without worries. My dad can be sweet sometimes. Well, I asked the guy what he did for a living, and he said "accounting." I asked him to clarify bc I was told he didnt go to college. He said he handled his brother in law's money. Oh. He asked me what I did and when I said I was a nurse, he FINALLY made direct eye contact with me, and I swear I saw dollar bills in his eyes. He then asked me how much money I made. At the time, I hadn't gotten my job offer yet, so I technically worked nowhere and made nothing. I told him that but he wanted a rough estimate of how much I would make when hired. It hadn't been 10 mins and I just walked away.
The guy didnt know this but my family members were standing around the corner from where we were standing and talking. He had pissed off everyone. That night we had a mixer and the guy found me on the dance floor, and positioned himself at a bar table right across from where I was. He stood there watching me intently and drinking what appeared to be a scotch. My brothers found him creeping at me and had security throw him out. haha. I love my brothers.
Sunday morning comes around and I see his brother in law following me all over the breakfast area and finally catches me while I was trying to walk out. He asked me what I thought of the guy. This is a violation for him to be asking me directly. He was supposed to ask my parents. Luckily before I answered him, my mom found me. She told him as politely as she could that her daughter didn't wanna be the one wearing the pants in the family after getting married.
My mom's spitfire. I love it! Til this day my family and I laugh about that guy. We're kinda mean.
The Process of My Matchmaking
After the last post, I wanted to clarify some stuff so you all understand why I was telling my mom about the prospects. There's a process to the match making. This is the general idea.
Step 1: You look for a mate by either calling up some friends, or by getting calls from friends.
Step 2: You look up the family in the Matiya book. (I shall explain this book in another post).
Step 3: Exchange the information if you choose to pursue the prospect.
Step 4: You give the parental units updates on how it's going or not going. If it's going, you can tell other people who are calling about guys to back off for now. And if it's not going, then the search continues by the parents.
Step 5: Accept or Reject the proposal. In an arranged marriage, there is no get down on one knee and propose. The act of asking for you is considered a proposal. The formal proposal for us comes down the guy and girl saying they like each other and are willing to be engaged. Simple. If you reject the proposal, you tell your parent so that they can let the other party know you said "No." and of course tell them why. I tell my parents the real reason why bc they deserve to know.
So this is how my mom keeps them keeping one after the other.
Step 1: You look for a mate by either calling up some friends, or by getting calls from friends.
Step 2: You look up the family in the Matiya book. (I shall explain this book in another post).
Step 3: Exchange the information if you choose to pursue the prospect.
Step 4: You give the parental units updates on how it's going or not going. If it's going, you can tell other people who are calling about guys to back off for now. And if it's not going, then the search continues by the parents.
Step 5: Accept or Reject the proposal. In an arranged marriage, there is no get down on one knee and propose. The act of asking for you is considered a proposal. The formal proposal for us comes down the guy and girl saying they like each other and are willing to be engaged. Simple. If you reject the proposal, you tell your parent so that they can let the other party know you said "No." and of course tell them why. I tell my parents the real reason why bc they deserve to know.
So this is how my mom keeps them keeping one after the other.
Shake My Head ... WTF moments galore
After Alligator, I figured my parents really did have a good idea of what kind of guy I was attracted to, and what kind of personality blends well with mine. They do, but the problem is, is that my parents get these phone calls from people in my clan. They're all calling to ask if they're still looking for "a nice Indian boy for me," and if so, they have a bucket list of guys they'd like me to meet.
My mom was beyond frustrated with some of the phone calls she got. Some of the people would call her everyday asking her for my phone number or email to give to the guys they wanted to introduce me to. My mom and I talked and decided to put in a filtering system to wean out the flakes. So my mom's job now is to find out who's reccommending these guys for me, and find a friend that would give an honest opinon on the family. It's important bc I'm not just marrying the guy, I'm marrying the whole family. And shoot, if I'm going to be living with my in-laws, I want my mom to be rest assured they will treat me well.
So, one guy made it through the filter but on one has ever heard of him...ever. So I entered this cautiously. I'm already shaking my head before telling you what happened.
Right away, I knew this guy was weird, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. My patience though with this guy grew weary within one week. He was not impressing me. And I figured out he lied about his profession. My mom was pissed when I told her. Strike 1.
I called him one day to be nice. Im so mean, I never call any of these guys. lol. I heard a lot of typing in the background so I offered to get off the line, since he might be working? The guy didnt even think to lie to me. I wish he did. He told me he was playing World of Warcraft while he was talking to me. I was livid! So I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I figured once he starts asking me questions, I'll give him dumb answers. But he one up'd me. I asked him to ask me questions to get to know me better. So out of all the things to ask... this guy asked me what my favorite roller coaster at Six Flags was!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Argh... I'm ready to dump this one already.
Here comes the kicker. After his moronic question, I asked him why he was talking to me; like what was the point of him being introduced to me. He told me it was because his mom thought he needed a girl to talk to. OHH-EEMM-GEE!!! Am I this girl now? Or is Ashton Kutcher around somewhere to punk me? I felt angry, embarrassed, frustrated, everything. To make it worse, this guy wasn't joking. I told him thanks but no thanks. I shall husband hunt elsewhere. I wish though. This guy continued to call me for 2 weeks after. I felt bad, but this isnt what I signed up for.
I get my "oh hell no" attitude from my mom. So when I told her why I rejected this one, she was so peeved that she called the guy's grandmother to ask if they had appropriately raised their offsprings. I think his grandma was floored too.
And that was the story of the Aerospace Engineer.
My mom was beyond frustrated with some of the phone calls she got. Some of the people would call her everyday asking her for my phone number or email to give to the guys they wanted to introduce me to. My mom and I talked and decided to put in a filtering system to wean out the flakes. So my mom's job now is to find out who's reccommending these guys for me, and find a friend that would give an honest opinon on the family. It's important bc I'm not just marrying the guy, I'm marrying the whole family. And shoot, if I'm going to be living with my in-laws, I want my mom to be rest assured they will treat me well.
So, one guy made it through the filter but on one has ever heard of him...ever. So I entered this cautiously. I'm already shaking my head before telling you what happened.
Right away, I knew this guy was weird, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. My patience though with this guy grew weary within one week. He was not impressing me. And I figured out he lied about his profession. My mom was pissed when I told her. Strike 1.
I called him one day to be nice. Im so mean, I never call any of these guys. lol. I heard a lot of typing in the background so I offered to get off the line, since he might be working? The guy didnt even think to lie to me. I wish he did. He told me he was playing World of Warcraft while he was talking to me. I was livid! So I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I figured once he starts asking me questions, I'll give him dumb answers. But he one up'd me. I asked him to ask me questions to get to know me better. So out of all the things to ask... this guy asked me what my favorite roller coaster at Six Flags was!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Argh... I'm ready to dump this one already.
Here comes the kicker. After his moronic question, I asked him why he was talking to me; like what was the point of him being introduced to me. He told me it was because his mom thought he needed a girl to talk to. OHH-EEMM-GEE!!! Am I this girl now? Or is Ashton Kutcher around somewhere to punk me? I felt angry, embarrassed, frustrated, everything. To make it worse, this guy wasn't joking. I told him thanks but no thanks. I shall husband hunt elsewhere. I wish though. This guy continued to call me for 2 weeks after. I felt bad, but this isnt what I signed up for.
I get my "oh hell no" attitude from my mom. So when I told her why I rejected this one, she was so peeved that she called the guy's grandmother to ask if they had appropriately raised their offsprings. I think his grandma was floored too.
And that was the story of the Aerospace Engineer.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Hello Alligator
Second up to bat is the Alligator.
I like to give vague nicknames so that not everyone can figure out who I'm referring to. Back to my story.
Me like the Alligator. A lot. He was essentially the guy version of me. Props to my parents on this one! 6 months after phones calls, and texts messages, we pulled out the "Just Friends" card. It's been 3 years since that time, and we really did stay true to being friends. Thing is, I was in Nursing School and still had marriage on the back burner. He didnt. So, it wasnt meant to be. I liked the experience though. He's a nice guy. Apparently, an aunt of mine is the one who suggested this guy to my mom. When I went over to visit her one day, she practically screamed at me for it not working out with the guy. "When I find you someone, I want you to MARRY him, not become friends with him!" lol.
Oops.. my bad. I've become notorious for becoming friends with a lot of these guys.
I like to give vague nicknames so that not everyone can figure out who I'm referring to. Back to my story.
Me like the Alligator. A lot. He was essentially the guy version of me. Props to my parents on this one! 6 months after phones calls, and texts messages, we pulled out the "Just Friends" card. It's been 3 years since that time, and we really did stay true to being friends. Thing is, I was in Nursing School and still had marriage on the back burner. He didnt. So, it wasnt meant to be. I liked the experience though. He's a nice guy. Apparently, an aunt of mine is the one who suggested this guy to my mom. When I went over to visit her one day, she practically screamed at me for it not working out with the guy. "When I find you someone, I want you to MARRY him, not become friends with him!" lol.
Oops.. my bad. I've become notorious for becoming friends with a lot of these guys.
Here We Go!
Suitor #1 is a guy I never met, but emailed a few times.
Personally, I think if we're being setup to figure out whether we wanna get hitched or not, email is the least personal way of getting to know someone. I'd rather have a phone conversation, for many reasons as follows:
1. I want to know how you sound
2. How long did you take to write that email? did you really write it, or was it your mom? You would NOT believe how many stories I've heard where the girl was being emailed by the parents and not the guy.
3. If you're willing to talk on the phone versus an email, I'll consider you more seriously that you're actually interested in getting to know me.
Since it was my first time around doing this whole setup thing, I didnt know what to expect. What followed was also kind of... odd? Email guy sent me an itemized questionairre for me to reply back to. I did'nt like this that much but when the guy said no to a phone convo for the second time, it was time to move "onto the next one."
Personally, I think if we're being setup to figure out whether we wanna get hitched or not, email is the least personal way of getting to know someone. I'd rather have a phone conversation, for many reasons as follows:
1. I want to know how you sound
2. How long did you take to write that email? did you really write it, or was it your mom? You would NOT believe how many stories I've heard where the girl was being emailed by the parents and not the guy.
3. If you're willing to talk on the phone versus an email, I'll consider you more seriously that you're actually interested in getting to know me.
Since it was my first time around doing this whole setup thing, I didnt know what to expect. What followed was also kind of... odd? Email guy sent me an itemized questionairre for me to reply back to. I did'nt like this that much but when the guy said no to a phone convo for the second time, it was time to move "onto the next one."
The Ground Rules
When my parents started to probe me about what kind of a suitor they should begin looking for when I turned 15, I knew I had to run away or learn to make excuses to dodge the bullets. I was only 15! But at last, my parents also wised up and found a way to corner me.
One fine afternoon, I come home from college. My mom made my fav Indian meal with all the trimmings. I am the eldest of 5. My favorite dishes are normally not made because the siblings get their way with almost everything and because I let them get away with it. Anywho, I'm almost done eating my rice when the whole family suddenly pops into the kitchen. They strategically placed themselves in areas to block off my escape attempts, if I dared to make any. Then comes in my father. *Cue the dreadful music* Comes over and asks me mid-bite what kind of husband I preferred. I choked on my rice. They finally got me.
Before answering my dad, I had my mom come sit next to me for moral support. I told them that before they looked for anyone, I wanted to set ground rules so that everyone is clear about my arranged marriage business. We came to an agreement that my parents can find "potential rejects," as I used to call them, but in the end, it would be my call on who I liked and wanted to have to annoy me til the end of time. Big downer on this agreement was that my parents want a guy from my Caste. This is where the fun starts.
The caste system is a social hierarchy that is used in India today. I am a Patel. There are seven different kinds of Patels, hence 7 Castes because we fall in every category. Most families changed their last names from Patel to something else because of the amount of prejudice they faced when first immigrating to the U.S. So, while it is possible I could have a different last name, most likely though, I will be a Patel forever. Coincidentally, I belong to the tiniest caste there is of Patels. The name of my caste is "Matiya Patidar." I shorten the name and just call everyone from my clan a "Mut." Not to be confused with the breed of dog... just saying... Anyways, the caste is so small, you have to make triple sure you're not related to the person you're being introduced to. *Crickets chirping in the background *
Is this starting to sound like an adventure yet?
One fine afternoon, I come home from college. My mom made my fav Indian meal with all the trimmings. I am the eldest of 5. My favorite dishes are normally not made because the siblings get their way with almost everything and because I let them get away with it. Anywho, I'm almost done eating my rice when the whole family suddenly pops into the kitchen. They strategically placed themselves in areas to block off my escape attempts, if I dared to make any. Then comes in my father. *Cue the dreadful music* Comes over and asks me mid-bite what kind of husband I preferred. I choked on my rice. They finally got me.
Before answering my dad, I had my mom come sit next to me for moral support. I told them that before they looked for anyone, I wanted to set ground rules so that everyone is clear about my arranged marriage business. We came to an agreement that my parents can find "potential rejects," as I used to call them, but in the end, it would be my call on who I liked and wanted to have to annoy me til the end of time. Big downer on this agreement was that my parents want a guy from my Caste. This is where the fun starts.
The caste system is a social hierarchy that is used in India today. I am a Patel. There are seven different kinds of Patels, hence 7 Castes because we fall in every category. Most families changed their last names from Patel to something else because of the amount of prejudice they faced when first immigrating to the U.S. So, while it is possible I could have a different last name, most likely though, I will be a Patel forever. Coincidentally, I belong to the tiniest caste there is of Patels. The name of my caste is "Matiya Patidar." I shorten the name and just call everyone from my clan a "Mut." Not to be confused with the breed of dog... just saying... Anyways, the caste is so small, you have to make triple sure you're not related to the person you're being introduced to. *Crickets chirping in the background *
Is this starting to sound like an adventure yet?
Welcome to my Spice World
This is my first step into the blogging world. Thank you to all my friends at work for showing interest in my stories and urging me to do this. Anything to put a smile on your faces. Ok, so the main idea of this blog is for me to tell you about how it's going in my crazy world in my mom's hunt for my husband. She's very dedicated to finding "the right one." I know the notion of an Arranged Marriage is extremely foreign and dumbfounding for many of you. I hope this blog works to delight you in seeing how much goes on in the act of creating a marriage.
I am no ordinary girl by any means. I've worked my life so far to be a good blend of the east and the west. Problem with this is that some find me "too American, and independent" while others think I'm "too much of a FOB for them" FYI: FOB= fresh off the boat. It's an Asian thing. Anyway, before getting off point... I think I decided to also start this blog to get feedback from you all out there. I think I'm a pretty nice, sweet, and spicy girl. I dont look ugly, am the opposite of clingy, and I dont need you to buy me anything, except for flowers... cant a girl just get flowers?? Anyways, point is, if I am all these nice things, why in the world is my love life such a challenge? One of the answers is the men (or boys) I meet. And I shall introduce you to them using nicknames my friends and I gave them. I warn you right now, do not eat or drink when reading some of the blogs that will follow- you will choke at some point. Ya, they can get THAT bad. But not everything is disappointing
I am no ordinary girl by any means. I've worked my life so far to be a good blend of the east and the west. Problem with this is that some find me "too American, and independent" while others think I'm "too much of a FOB for them" FYI: FOB= fresh off the boat. It's an Asian thing. Anyway, before getting off point... I think I decided to also start this blog to get feedback from you all out there. I think I'm a pretty nice, sweet, and spicy girl. I dont look ugly, am the opposite of clingy, and I dont need you to buy me anything, except for flowers... cant a girl just get flowers?? Anyways, point is, if I am all these nice things, why in the world is my love life such a challenge? One of the answers is the men (or boys) I meet. And I shall introduce you to them using nicknames my friends and I gave them. I warn you right now, do not eat or drink when reading some of the blogs that will follow- you will choke at some point. Ya, they can get THAT bad. But not everything is disappointing
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